The Revenge of Deidara and Kakuzu
by Moka-chan
Summary: One normal day at the Akatsuki base, Deidara decides to get revenge for certain noises that go on in the base. To get this revenge, he enlists the help of Kakuzu. Mostly just crack. Rated for implied things and Hidan's mouth. KakuDei and KisaIta


It was a bright morning, filled with the lovely chirping of the birds. Sadly, this chirping didn't last as loud cursing came from inside the Akatsuki base and the birds were quickly obliterated.

"Fucking birds! Trying to interrupt my morning prayers!"

"Shut it Hidan! I'm trying to sleep, un!"

"Shut up! _Both _of you."

--

After this loud awakening the Akatsuki gathered at the kitchen table for the breakfast Tobi was preparing. Even though the 'good boy' usually ruined anything he touched, he was the best cook out of the gang. Kakuzu was hunched over next to the coffee machine, glaring at anyone who came to close. Not that anyone _would _try to get close with the stitched man's tendency to destroy people before his coffee.

"Oi! Where's my fucking coffee Raggedy Ann?!"

Well, 'anyone' didn't really include Hidan. The Jashinist seemed to think that yelling close to his partner's ear would help the situation. Instead, it only helped him get embedded in the wall at Kakuzu's hand. Hidan cursed loudly and tried to pull his head free unsuccessfully as Kisame and Deidara laughed.

"Tobi is finished! Breakfast is ready!" Tobi shouted happily, placing plates in front of the other organization members. Except Hidan, of course. The orange masked member put his plate beside him. "Here you go Hidan. I hope you like Tobi's food!"

"How the fuck am I supposed to eat it?!"

--

After breakfast each Akatsuki member went about their business. Again, except for Hidan, who seemed to still in the wall. The living room was currently occupied by Kakuzu and Deidara, who decided not to go to their room because of the disturbing sounds coming from Kisame's room (Well, Kisame _and_ Itachi's room, seeing as Itachi moved into it.). It was definitely too early in the morning to listen to things like that.

"Don't you get tired of that Kakuzu, un?" Deidara asked, looking over the other man's shoulder to see what he was doing. The treasurer of the Akatsuki was stitching up Pein's teddy bear. And yes, Pein had a teddy bear. His name was Mr. Cuddle-buzz and he was the same color as their leader's hair.

"Tired of what?"

"Tired of their 'Kisame and Itachi time' or whatever they call it, un! I mean, this is the eighth time this week!" Sighing, Kakuzu turned to look up at Deidara, who was looking at him and pouting. At least the blonde didn't give him a headache half as fast as Hidan. "Yes, I do. But what do you say we should do about this?"

The stitched man felt goose bumps form on his neck as he saw a disturbing smirk cross the blonde's face. "Maybe we should give them the taste of their own medicine, un. Like maybe wake them up during the night with some loud noise or something."

"Why do you need me? You can do it on your own."

"Please help me, un! I'll be your best friend." Deidara pleaded, giving Kakuzu his cutest puppy-dog look. Kakuzu sighed once again and nodded reluctantly. After all, it'd be fun to get a little revenge, right?

"Thanks Kakuzu! Come to my room tonight, un." Not being able to see Deidara's face because the blonde had turned to walk out of the room, Kakuzu didn't see the evil smirk get larger.

--

Deidara looked up from his clay as someone knocked on the door to his room, signaling that Kakuzu had actually remembered to go to the blonde's room instead. The stitched man seemed to be pretty forgetful at times.

"Come in, un!"

Kakuzu opened the door and stepped into the room, looking around it with a bored expression on his face. The blonde artist's room was a lot more cluttered than Kakuzu's, seeing how Deidara loved to blow his money on stupid little things that seemed to just accumulate in his room. "What now?"

"Come here, un." The much older man did as he was told, walking over to bed and sitting down next to Deidara. The blonde leaned forward and grinned, the evil look back. "Now, Kakuzu, you're not involved with Hidan, right?"

The man in question gave Deidara an annoyed expression before shaking his head. "No, I'm not. Why would you think that?" He watched as Deidara leaned back and smiled again, shrugging.

"Well, I don't know, un. You two just act like a married couple like danna says. I just thought that maybe-"

"You thought wrong, Deidara. Hidan's too much of a moron for me to have any interest in."

The blonde laughed and nodded, his eyes glued to the other man. It was time to put his plan into action.

"So, Kakuzu, do you want to see why I asked you to come to my room, un?"

--

Kisame grunted as he was suddenly awakened by his partner, who had decided to hit him over the head particularly hard. He rubbed his head and turned to glare at Itachi. "What was that for Itachi-san?"

The weasel put a finger to his lips and motioned for his lover to listen, staring at the ceiling quietly. Frowning, Kisame listened for a minute, his eyes growing wide as he heard the sounds coming from Deidara's room. What was the blonde _doing_ in there? It sounded like-

"Oh my god!" The blue man gasped, sitting up and moving to the wall, pressing his ear to it. Yep, Deidara was doing it with someone in there. But who?

"Kakuzu!"

…Well, that answered Kisame's question. The shark like man twitched as he pulled his head away from the wall to look at Itachi still looking at the ceiling. His partner looked like he was struggling to decide on one emotion, the options being anger and terror. After a couple of seconds the weasel settled on anger and stood up, making his way to Deidara's room with Kisame close behind him to make sure he didn't run into anything. Itachi knocked on the door loudly and proceeded to glare at it as he waited for someone to answer.

"What do you want, un?" Deidara demanded as he stuck his head out of the door, his face flushed and his hair disheveled. "I'm kind of busy!"

"Shut up. Me and Kisame are _trying_ to sleep."

At this the blonde smirked and moved so he could stand up straight. So they thought they could just come over and boss him around after they had done the same thing to him on many occasions? He'd teach them. "No, un. I _like_ being loud. You and your partner can just deal with it like me and Kakuzu have, un. Now, if you'll excuse me, Kakuzu's waiting."

With this said, Deidara slammed the door in Itachi's face. The weasel blinked a couple of times before closing his eyes and smirking similarly to how the blonde had before. Kisame looked down at his partner with a worried expression and placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Are you alright Itachi-san?"

Opening his eyes, Itachi looked up and Kisame, the smirk still glued to his face as he chuckled darkly. "Yes. But they won't be."

--

Hello everyone! Um, I'm sorry for the complete randomness of this story. I just felt like write a somewhat funny story involving the pairing KakuDei because I love it so! There _really_ needs to be more of it and other couples involving Kakuzu. He needs more love!

So, anyways, thank you for reading my crackish and please review!


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